1. |
strix varia waltz
01:43
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2. |
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i can't write a Chicago poem
in shadows of iron citylights
rain falling on lips bleeding & cracked
sidewalk wintertime girl
with a too-thin black jacket magic
destroyed his conception of art
my sex left the door unlocked at night
so that he might devour my mechanical eye
watched a whiskey sunrise on the roof
the first time i went to Chicago i got
a safety pin stuck in my heart
and i still reach for him in the dark of night,
missing the impression that he makes
in my bed, longing for that 2am
glint of neon diners in his eyes
vibrant with the certainty of my 2nd grade science text,
i scream in boldfaced vocabulary words
I WANT.
and so rang the bell of New Orleans
when i was wed in a ghost's muddy gown
down by the bayou i kissed his hands
pressing my own into the soil
oh yes, i want too much
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3. |
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he said, "I want you on the back of my bike."
i hiked up my skirt & threw my leg over.
cold arms hold tight, heads turn
past the places we used to live
over traintracks, in the whiskey-kissed evening
my dress ripped long before he pushed it round my hips
and in the sick-sober morning, a safety pin
is stronger than my amateur stitches.
a prayer for him, answered in the sleep-deprived small hours
a message, "Im here"
and i am living on a dead-end street
counting days & miles & devotions
to a photograph of blurry ghosts
double-exposed and smiling, scowling
with the heavy sadness of numbered years
& love in broken bottles
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4. |
lull-a-boy
01:45
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o, he of the coffeebrown eyes & two lips
blooming
red-faced & i'm
just so lost, boy
down by the river, you
dirty angel
yr shoulderblades
growing wings
in the mud
& we love like we're swimming in
sotto voce
o my quiet one,
breathing i love you
yr soft spider-fingers
play me like a guitar
strings snap
bones crack
fingernail scratch
here in the summertime
dusk is eternal
i promise i'll find you there
in the end
i'm friends with a ghost
& he'll show me the way
cicada song
say so long
just go to sleep
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5. |
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grandmother said,
"if you can't hear a man
walk into a room,
he ain't worth a dime."
so he wore thumbtacks in his shoes before he walked tall in boots & suits
a dashing anachronism, Dandy in the Underworld
meets dirtysweet dirtypunk Queen of BeautifulMistakes
& bad ideas in the back of the bar
sipping slick liquor & cheap beer
chasing boys with broken halos
& Bolanesque hair curled goldenbrown
stumbling slouching slurring seductive
"is this the part where i get to kiss you?"
sometimes it's just one of those nights
sweet Georgia sky suffocating lustflower scent
& full Moon streets dampened by rainsweat
walking home @ 4am to a scalding shower.
& i cut my own hair
& i cut my own ties
for springtime is all about the art of burning bridges and smiling broadly
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6. |
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all saints fall in curling ash
and all souls rise in red balloons
we make our ghosts with cut-out eyes
and wire wings for bent-halo'd angels
sleepless, shaking, trembling control
singing memory raw with chainsmoke
throat choke, crossed wires, crosstown
heart-strings missing all their context clues
roots crack cement in this wicked city
she bleeds beauty and sweats songs of
rot, survival, struggle, growth
and entropy inevitably
fiery girls burn holes through hearts
a necessary shattering, shards
let love like wind pass through you
let boys like water move over you
o gracefully unravelling girl, you
let your bones grow broken wings, and
you will rise with your red hair and
you'll eat men like air
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7. |
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two a.m. my knees skinned
leaning into metal dumpster
craving pizza, bagels, oatmeal
rescued from the hotel breakfast bar
ignored traffic lights hum
and bike screech down on baxter street
i could fall, i could die,
there is fear but fuck it--pedal faster!
remember when you were 9 & hadn't yet touched death?
tights torn, short skirt,
late nights & early dark morns,
sleeping in slow days scribbled away,
love notes sent in liquor bottles
vodka slides like water down my ragged throat,
my empty belly,
staining sleeves and tattoos fade
rooftop dancing laughing screaming
i wouldn't be able to do this if you were with me, little one
but sometimes i don't think i can do without you
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8. |
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color fields, (how i feel) the blue of distance
the viole(n)t logic of annihilation
dressed in white and shaking, empty words
i contemplate complacence,
solemn medics bringing out the dead
with soft smile and jelly bones
the city heaves a sigh and i wonder how it felt to fly
and i feel no ghosts but these spirits are strong
our shy suicide, we shuffle feet and cast down eyes
and squint through our smoke rings
the city wakes with song upon her lips and eyes of death
and faded fingerprints betray the possibility of indecision
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10. |
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coffeepot graveyard & all these highs
someone left the oven on & nothing's ever on time
seasick desperation & moldy ghosts
drunken staircase knife hits, refrigerator love notes
in this crooked house live man & wife
trying to straighten out a crooked life
dirty dishes, cat shit, bags of empty cans
save yr sense of humor & keep on making plans
sleeping on a couch, eating pizza crust
a house so full of history, spirit & dust
and i won't be the first to cry anarchy
we're lost boys & girls only trying to be free
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